The end of the rainbow

When I was young, I have seen a scene. I can't recall when or where I seen it. I can't even remember what was it about. All I remember is a feeling it left in me. A wonderful feeling in which terror and admire mix up together. I can still recall it sometime. The feeling when all your limbs are frozen, every hairs are standing on end, blood run out of your face and coldness cover you. You can't move an inch, all you can do is stand and tremble. Scare but at the same time ancious waiting for something to happen, knowing you are not ready but don't care a thing about it.
That feeling of terror and admire belong to a part of my mind I can't touch. I can't even come close. It is that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow I'm trying to catch. I might never be able to feel it again but I can't stop looking for it. Just a taste, a blur recall of the feeling left me wanting more and I can't stop until I found it. I want to see all the wonder of the world, face the magnificent of nature, I know there must be one of them can gave me the feeling again. The scare and terror but utmost happy seeing how small and in significant I really is. That is the strongest feeling I have ever feel. For me, it is more than any happy feeling, any joy, any pain. That terror make me alive and make me feel I'm real. I'm living. I'm existing. I'm a human not a ghost walk on the face of Earth.