Now that 's I call trouble.
The last few day has been sooo tired.
Mid-term test and SAT all together
They worn me out
I am sick and tired
Don't know what is pushing me
Through all this
And make me suffer



Mommy, is it you who put hope on me
Making me go through this
NO! NO!
I DON'T THINK SO



Or is it you daddy
Who love me so and want me to success
NO! NO !
I DON'T THINK SO.



Then it must be me
The girl who want the best
Who want to reach and be so strong
But that's not what I am right now
Sinking and losing my hope
My life purpose and my happy smile



They'd all gone
No more

For long I forgot my friend
Leave memory to blur and forget my loveone
I lose my past

Then I head to future
Forgotting about frind around me
Distance myself and let them forgot me
I lose my present

Now after all I went through
So close to the goal
I forgot why I want to be there, why I running, and for that
I lose my future

I lose all but I won't give up
I'll live on and find what I want
I'll make friend and make love
I'll find my purpose and my own way
Even if the old me have lost and never be found
I shall not stop
Will start over and creat a new me
There is all way time
And I'll make every second of my life count
Don't want to waste
Any more minute
I'm standing right up
And start walking
To tomorrow

My friend!
Today I read your blog for the first time and I read the thought you share us. It don't make me cry but a little something is left. You have always been the friend I love, for the kindness and gentle you giveus all. You have always helpful and I've seen you get med before. You always smile but I know beneath that happy face is the pain of sickness. And thought god isn't love you enought for a healthy body, you love all other creation of him.
You live with the happiness I envy to. Around you are friends attracted and I found myself in them. And I know no matter how much I go I wil always remember you and your smile and the way u live. I don't know what you thing about me but I hope somewhere in your hart there is a place for me.

Finally, today I write my essay for the US university. It comes quite easily, much easier than I though. I guess that is pay off of 4 night just thinking about it. It's a long 600 words essay about I get into my current high school. Even thought it seem like a normal essay, I think it's not so normal and can be out-standing others essay or at least don't put the reader to deep sleep. Guess I check I later to see if I falling asleep myseft.
Lately all I do on net is looking for admitration information. There are numberous of them but the most useful like where to downloading from and other things is nowhere to find. I swear after I get though with this I would put the whole project online for the later generation. I do find some web of my country student but not so helpful I must say.

Change

Lately I've been thinking if I am still a tomboy. That's strange. When I was young all I want is to be consider as a boy and do everything I want. I spent time with boys, talk like a boy, act like a boy. Since when did I start to realize to be a girl is much better for me? Since when I start to raise my hair and be so soft? Since when did I want to be consider equal to boy but as a girl? That's so funny.
The more I look at myself, the more I found I have change. Then why do I so certain that I will not change anymore? Even the hardest rock wear out after time then why not me? Guess I'm stupid to be so sure. Do you??

Read post

Suddenly I read a post of a friend and feel so strange. A bit empty, a bit full, a bit happy and a bit sad but none is correct. As the same age, in the same class but we have so much different. He has so unfamiliar experience realizing that he has hurt someone and could not redo. It's so strange for me. I couldn't remember anything like that. I couldn't remember if I have hurt someone( except for my brother which I'll never regret hurting literal or mental).Is it because I'm too good in relationship to hurt people or becausei have close myself to any relationship so noone can hurt me and therefore I don't hurt anyone. I don't even know is it good or bad. It's true no one want to be hurt but am I missing a part of life??? Guess I have to answer this myself.

Smile

You 've already know Vietnam is a warlike country. In our history book we learn mostly about war. How sad. As a teen I know my people have more than that. We're good not only in war but also in peace. If you come to Vietnam once you will see how friendly we're- especially for foreign people. We always smiling. I have seen many natives- including myself- talk to foreign with a very friendly attitude and a big smile.
Vietnamess said "Smile is the best medicine." and I could really feel how they apply it to real life. If you come to a kindergarden or primary school you'll see nothing but smile and hear nothing but laugh. I remember when I was a child I smile all day, and I mean it, 24/7 even in my sleep. When I grow up, along with everybody I become less and less smile but still smile in most conditions.
I have learned with a lot of foreigner. Some of them only stay a few days, the others stay many years but they all agree in one point their most beautiful memory about this country is a smiling girl no matter which ethnic groups they from.

Van

I fallow my blog again. It's bad! Right? Lately I found a new interest. Neuro linguistic program(NLP). It's amazing and really helpful. I have test on some people and it work out so well. More than I expect. I can tell what 're people thinking and gain their favours easily.
I remember telling that I would give some infomation about my country- Vietnam. Honestly you can read about it in many website. So I won't give official informaiton. Just a few teenage's look about life around me. Hope you like it.

Busy time

Lately I've been a bit busy. Serious! I start to find an US university that I want to get in, look for information about "The burning time"( if you have watch Witch Hunter Robin then you should read it) and go to summer school at the same time.
It's been quite long since I decide to try to enter an univesity in another country and I found US is the easiest way. I have pretty good marks at school and my English is acceptable( not a good at the natives but still good enough). I already have TOEFL (82/120) and I'm working on SAT. Shortly I'll have no problem to enter an good university. The problem lies on my finance. If I want to study abroad I must find the money by my own. There is noway I can find that much money by myself so I'm looking for a finance-aid. I try to have good scores to get a scholarship about 30000 USD/years but it's not easy, SAT 2000 at least and I'm far from it so I'd better work real hard.
About "The burning time", I admit that I have reread it many time recently. I have read many fanfics but non like it. It's a fanfiction of WHR. I've found a lot of fan-work of the fanfic and I really think they can make a sequel rely on this and it could be even better than the original. By the way I love WHR. Its characters are great. Robin is such an innocent, lovely girl and Amon is a real-walking contradiction. The two make such a strange pair but still great. In TBT, the story is raised to a new level with new characters. Mimosa (the author of TBT) have made the story more interseting by her incredible knowledges about ancient witches.

Lately I've been looking for a manga name Hanasekeru Seishounen. It's not an easy job at all. Although I have both the Japaness and the Vietnamese name I can't find the last 6 vols of it in any language. It's quite common for me to suddently interested in a manga but after a while I will forget it.
This story I'm interested in is quite good. Mostly because the ways the author build the characters. I especially like Iokazu- one of the main characters. It's not because he 's hot but the way he acts. It's so common. He does everything to protect his treasures including hutting her.
One thing make me prefer Japaness manga than Western comic is the way they contribute the characters. They are very humanity. They're full of contradictions. They've their own thoughts, their own wants. In comic you can see two types of characters- good and bad. But in manga you can't do that. Each character has good and bad in side them. We can't jugde them or their actions easily. Everything in manga look more realistic than comic too.

Mask

When I was young I'm very easy to get upset. Up set not mad (I don't think I'm aloud to get mad). I have two younger sibling at a quite early ages so it's common to feel jealous. I always think that my mother is hard with only me and go easy on them. However I don't complain much since our culture said that the older must be nice to the younger.
Thought I know that I still sad and think that I'm the only one who sacrifice, the only one who suffer and my siblings have a wonderful life. That 's thought follow me to outer world and I think so everytime I have to do something unlike I want for others 's conveniences. I smile, wear a mask and do what people want. After years living like that I feel miserable and as I almost blow up I meet an arguement. I don't remember if it's a news, a book or a said and I don't remember it by heart but I have change me a lots. "In our society everybody wear a mask. When somebody feel dissatisfied it's because he compare his real person with others 's mask. Deep inside everyone has his own problems. He just don't speak out loud.". Since I read this I have reconsider life of people around me. I've found out that I'm not the only person who have trouble. Everyone does. I can't have everything I want. To live in this world I must make a lot of concessions because others do the same too. When I come to understand this clearly I feel my life become much easier. I learn what my little bro and sis 's problems and try to help them out, after that I ask them to do something for me and everybody is happy. I do the same for people around me and find my jobs easier. But the best effect of it is no longer am I feel I'm being treat unfair and I become happier.
Sometime I wonder what will happen if I don't read that arguement. I guest I must have give up long ago and let my life run its course or maybe I will end my life(that's terrible). However I'm very glad I've read it.

Another day with no special deed to do. My summer keep becoming more boring that I have all most nothing to write in my blog.
Yesterday I got my practice test's result, 25 more than the last one. It's a improvement but not enough. However the SAT exam won't take place in the next 4 months. Dammit, how can I keep focus in 4 month? I can feel myself losing attention right now. Reading, learning vocabularies, practicing writing aren't fun at all.
Tomorrow my grandma will go back to Autralia. That mean my mother will easy yell and angry again. Men, I love her so much when she isn't angry but when she get mad she look horrible, totally horrible, and she make me terrified too.
These days I don't get a lot of information about my classmates. I guest it because I don't care about keep in touch a lots. I always admire my friend when they go out with each other so often and I'm too lazy to do that. Even if I'm not that lazy I don't know who to go out with too. As a first child with too little siblings and a lot of cousin to care of, I'm buried under tons of responsibilities. Maybe that's why I'm so afraid of making contacts, afraid of carry more responsibilities. I lock myself at home and make contact with people who I know won't ask me for any cares but it's fun either. Compare to my friend I'm more experienced in being responsible but in others area they make me admire.
Today I recieve a comment from Gman. I have forget that when I make a link to his blog he would be aware about it too. But I think it is Ok. What I write here is what I think and I guest my friend won't be annoy if they read it. It's fun to be able to speak some of your feeling.

This morning when I check my blog to write something I'm pretty suprise to see Chililady comment. As I told you before the chance for you to find this blog is very small. However I'm very thankful for her encourage comment. If you want to make friend please send me your email address I'll try my best to reply.
This morning isn't exactly a good morning. I went to the market with my grandma and it isn't so fun. First of all I don't like shopping- especial shopping for groceries. Secondly in my country the old lady usually call a women by her first daughter's name. And going around hearing people mention your name like that is odd.
Another thing that make this morning isn't fun is my brother keep bothering me and asking for the computer. Right now he was seating right next to me and keep on blap blap blap and make writing become something a little difficult.
Last night, I recieve the news that the next SAT test is on October. This mean I'll have to keep working until it. Man it gonna be ugly. And it also mean that I'd better start looking for the school I want to go study. Being an international student isn't easy at all.
You know, summer is fun but it is boring too when I don't able to go out with my friend. Even if I have the motorbike back I guess my friend would be busy too since we'rs in grade 12 and have a university to enter. You have no idea how stressful the study life in Vietnam.

From a story book

Have you read "Peter Pan and the red coat"? It's a new officially-accepted story of Peter Pan. At the age of 17 I still love to read this. Not because I believe in it but because it remind me of my childhood. All the idea in that book is so "crazy": when you wear someone clothes you will become him or her, you can make food appear but by imagine... Yes, they're all stupid. But isn't it what we have thought when we were just children, lived in a much more less complicated world. I thought this book is ful of insane ideas like that until I read a line. It belong to a villain: captain Hook, but it hit me: the moment when we dream about having a caree, being something but a child, that moment we have abandon or childhood and grow up.
Is it true? Does having a plan for you future change your life that much? Well, I have my own answer. Yes. I've always known that ever since I want to become an engerneer- my first dream job. But didn't realize it until I read the book. Unlike Pan, I have accepted the change. Peter Pan is admirable but he is piteous too. He like with eternal joys and everlasting youth. He can enjoy all the fun of being a child and carry no responsibility. But he will never know the sweat juice of growing up, never see all the new horizon that only an adult could see.
But me an grow up person is also pity for my life too. As a growing up teen, I could see many thing, do many thing that Peter can't do. But like other people I also being saddled by responsibilities. And of course there are days i just want to get rid of everything and come back being a child. Unfortunately, I can't. And fortunately, I can't. I have chosen to grow up and I have to accept the side effect of it.
What about you? Do you have days you want to go back like that? I guess yes. Sometime I think people who choses to suicide must have a lot of day like that. They make choice and it turn our to be a bad one. They can't come back so they decide to end their life forever. They can't handle there responsibilities. I don't criticize them, I don't try to understand them either- noone can fully understand other's feeling. But I will not make the same choice. The reason I'll tell you later because at you see this post has gone so far and I'm losing control. So byebye.

Learn from a dead

Last week I receive the news about the dead of Tran Phuc-a student in my school. It's strange, when I first heard the new, I don't know who exactly- just know about the class. I have think that it could be a friend of me- the probability is high since it is a small class and I have quiet a lot friend in it. But I'm not worry, concern or maybe even care. When I know it is not my friend I even more motionless. I wonder since when that I become so calm, so uncare, so heartless. And I realize no longer did I cry when I feel sad, sore or pain, no longer did I panic when something came up so sudden. I has become someone who able to control or act like that when I face trouble. I see everything with it two sides and evaluate it. I don't it is good or bad but it doesn't make me happy.
When I read news and comments of my friend I see a fact of our generation. We are so cold to others 's pain. Most of my friend write about it or at lease mention it but they seem to didn't care much. I read their words and feel like reading an obituary. Some of my classmate actualy come to the funeral but the way they said it is more like attending in a festival. The whole thing is nothing but a chance to get together. I didn't go to the funeral. It isn't I try to be different from them but I has no feeling for that boy's dead but a little pity and reproach for being careless and lost his life so nonsensically.
However the dead did give me some lesson since I read what my friend write. It is obvious that he is just a normal good student in his class. His dead leaves only a small trace in our memory and I wonder how long could it be before we forget him. That boy hasn't do anything special in his life, hasn't reach any important success for us to admire. AND SO DO I. Since I got into this school I think that I have become something special, something remarkable but I was so wrong. Among all the good student in my school I am nothing. I'm just one of thousands and when I'm gone noone would remember me. It's time for me to forget all the successes I have had in the past and start another process to reach a new goal. Starting SAT.

Giang Dien waterfall

The trip is really fun. We leave at 6.25 a.m. but I come at 5.45 to help the teacher arrange everything. This turn out to be a little too EARLY, the school gate haven't open yet( this is the first time I meet this because my school open it gate for visitor almost 24/7). Despite our carefulness we still forgot some food and had to come back to take it but it didn't effect the fun. We exchanged our gift to one another by random( at least it was showed to be random. We had make a little change to request some of our classmates do some kind of punishment_ all for fun :) .
We arrived at the waterfall a little later than we expect but it isn't a big problem. We took time decorate our tent and bring up some games. However it helped me to have some time with the guy I like pretty fun in fact.
We did go swimming, it was fun especially when U abandon the rude and just play at some spot U found knowing it isn't exactly safe. We don't go to the swimming spot that people usually do. Quite dangerous I thought it is. We're student after all.
The afternoon activities have nothing special expect for a sudden play that we have arrange and I fall asleep in a tent. With me the falling asleep and being tease is more fun.

Wow it's a long time since my last post. In fact I think I'm going to give up this "blog" thing. If it isn't for Gamn's blog I would not start it again.
The final semester test is horrible. At least half of my class die, it makes the final rank change dramatically. Thank godness I pass it but the cost is terrible- three weeks bury myself in book. So much for the "gifted" thing :(
However after the hard work is a great reward, the homeroom teacher give us a trip to a waterfall. Reparing for the trip is a tired thing but pretty fun. If it isn't for it I would never know how clever the boy in my class is. I have always know that they going out a lot and have more real-life experiences than me but I didn't expect them to arrange the shopping list, buying things so quick. They even take us to some fancy restaurant for a delicious meal. Suddently they are nolonger kids but became a man( I think I'm in love with one of them). A little upset when I see the differences between they and I :(

Do you have any younger brother? NO? I think you are lucky. Having someone who listen to you and do what you tell is fun but to taking care of them and responsible for them is HORRIBLE, especialy when both of you don't want it. My brother and I for example, we fight each other everyday and my mother still want me too taking care of him. WHY???
I do love him but please, he is different and don't want to listen to me. I wish HE could be like my little sister, a bit hot-temper and stubborn but reasonable.
Yesterday we had a fight and it's almost for nothing- just to decide who would get the WATER, UNBELIEVABLE.

What do you think about the Otogizoushi Heian Ending Clip like I told you i have a uncommon favourite in manga and anime. I have no other entertainment that fit my buzy scheduLe anyway.

IntroDuce

So you know why I write this blog (if you can call what I write a reason) then I think I should introduce myself.

As you know I am a student, high school student not university one (it gonna change sOOn).
Why do i decide to start writing? Easy, because all My friend do It (LAME isn't it???(^^)).
But it seem to Fun and I don't think there will be anyone who read this (I am preety good at maths and the percentaGe is very small that you could read this).

However having a place to eXpress myself is fun.
have Fun.XXX

Hello Everyone (^^)!!!
This is the first time I create a blog and I still not know exactly what will I write. However I am a student so my blog will mostly about school and family. For some of you it maybe boring but I hope the rest will enjoy it.
By the way I intend to introduce some information about my country-VIETNAM- and it people. If you have any question about it just send me an email: bluecornmoongirl@gmail.com