Tuesday, February 3, 2009
A new year
I really need a new year check list. you know some paper that you write what you want to accomplish in the next year. Why? Because I feel like it have been a year already and I still haven't do anything good. Oh my good, I'm turning 19 in two month and I still have so much I want to do before that age. Where did the time go.
A bit of ifonramoitn
Do you konw taht if you mix up the ltteres in a wrod and keep the frsit and fnail lteter un tucoh you can siltl usnretdnad the wrod? It hvae been sicenfitcailly povred. Cool isn't it.
Left behind
I'm not leaving anybody or get abandon if that's what you think.
This is the event that bring this on. Last week is the Lunar New Year, as tradition, I go visit my teacher on the third day of new year. Actually I have never properly visit my teacher during New Year holiday but it is not my false my family love to travel on this occasion. Anyway, the teachers that I visited are two of our former teachers in high school, that is why I went visit them with a group of my classmate in high school.
I think I should give some more information about my high school class. Different from many Western country, in high school we don't choose class according to subject and teacher. We study with the same classmate for years. This create a strong bond between every student. In my class, this bond is exceptionally strong. During our high school year, we are one, we call ourselves by a name, treat each other equally. There are argument and each of us have our small group of close friend but it didn't stop us from being one and being equal. We study the same thing, at the same school. In short, we are all the same.
But thing change after we graduate. Sure, we are still a group, a close society include the craziest of the crazy in the world, but beside from the time we hang out with each other (which is very rare now) each of us are walking their own path, each of us are making their own success and for some reason, I seem to be the one who stay the same. When I heard my friends talk to our teachers, a part of me think of them as the same as the boy or girl I study with, but the other part, the part that heard about their concern and success, the part that heard about their current life feel like they are at a place so high and so far away I can't ever reach. For some reason I can't move on at they have done, for some reason I stay behind and hold on to the pass. If only I know what is that reason. ***sign***
This is the event that bring this on. Last week is the Lunar New Year, as tradition, I go visit my teacher on the third day of new year. Actually I have never properly visit my teacher during New Year holiday but it is not my false my family love to travel on this occasion. Anyway, the teachers that I visited are two of our former teachers in high school, that is why I went visit them with a group of my classmate in high school.
I think I should give some more information about my high school class. Different from many Western country, in high school we don't choose class according to subject and teacher. We study with the same classmate for years. This create a strong bond between every student. In my class, this bond is exceptionally strong. During our high school year, we are one, we call ourselves by a name, treat each other equally. There are argument and each of us have our small group of close friend but it didn't stop us from being one and being equal. We study the same thing, at the same school. In short, we are all the same.
But thing change after we graduate. Sure, we are still a group, a close society include the craziest of the crazy in the world, but beside from the time we hang out with each other (which is very rare now) each of us are walking their own path, each of us are making their own success and for some reason, I seem to be the one who stay the same. When I heard my friends talk to our teachers, a part of me think of them as the same as the boy or girl I study with, but the other part, the part that heard about their concern and success, the part that heard about their current life feel like they are at a place so high and so far away I can't ever reach. For some reason I can't move on at they have done, for some reason I stay behind and hold on to the pass. If only I know what is that reason. ***sign***
Friday, August 8, 2008
Breaking Dawn
To be honest, I have only read Twilight a week ago. In one week, I spent most of my hours (day and night) reading the whole story including the newest book: "Breaking Dawn".
The first 3 book, as many have say, is very impressive. Different from Harry Potter, Twilight is not a book about action. The lack of even is no doubt but Meyer have done amassing job detailing her character. Interesting how she only use one character point of view but describe everybody thought (good thing Bella is observant). The developing of Bella is not so illogical either. The way she completely collapse when Edward leave is not so unpersuasive and remind me of another love story: "P.S. I love you". More persuasive as this is a fantasy. True to its style, Twilight's character is extreme is many way. One annoying matter is when Bella's thought reflect many other character, it doesn't give us enough information to get in to Edward's head while many of his move in the first two book is time and thought comsuming. This mystery might be enlighten should "Midnight sun " be published.
The main plot start with two even: the hunt of James and Edward leaving Bella. The hunt's consequence stretch out in the first three book and finally resolve in "Eclipse" at the same time the Edward&Bella&Jacobs settle down with Bella make clear of her choice. And truthfully, in the of "Eclipse", I only wonder how she gonna resolve the conflict with the Volturi. In some way, the story may be close here. Still leaving behind a mess but not bad for an ending.
When I finally hold "Breaking dawn" in my hand, or exactly when I finish the first few chapter, I kind of surprise the wedding is happening without something happen. No offend but you know how something often happen before the bride say "I do". The wedding happening neatly and from here new problem occur. However, since Bella is already a not so realistic character (HELLO, FANTASY STORY REMEMBER), her reaction for the wedding and even the baby is not something so illogical. After all, every princess need a prince and a wedding is a good way to show that. Bella changing attitude about the wedding and college is not so difficult to understand too if you look at it this way: from after the hunt Bella have already partly cut herself out of the "normal" world. For that reason, she even more attach to Edward or the Cullens family, the only one she can depend on in the world of mythology. And of course, it make her even more unconcern about college. This kind of thought will never appear in reality but this is a fantasy book so no problem.
Bella attitude about the marriage life is ,however, more difficult to discuss. Ever since she agree to Edward's proposal, Bella have always try to avoid the wedding talk. It didn't help to have Esme and Alice planning every thing and her doing nothing. After passing the pressure of rumor for marriage at such a young age is the altar, the party and the honeymoon. I doubt she even have an idea that she is now a marriage woman. The honeymoon baby is of course of no help. Especially when the bearing is so difficult and the baby growing so quickly. Even after spending time with Nessie she confess that she is still not use to the idea of being a mother. I think Meyers have skip all the feeling about marriage and motherhood first because she don't mean to discuss the idea. More or less this is a teenage love story, such idea may not be suitable and in the other hand, there is simply not enough room. If she wanna discuss this problem the way she do the first 3 books there will definitely be a book 5 or 6.
For reader who see the book as a bad example for girl, I think they have to see the book as a fairy tale. It's not about message or life orient but rather about happy ending. And as a sad ending make you cry and unsatisfied, a happy ending, especially a "neat" one like this, make it feel so very satisfy that some how uncomfortable. No one have to suffer anything is good but the ending just so perfect leave me with a weak impression than the one should have occur.
Of course the book have it weakness. As I said it will be better if the plot didn't go so fast. The description of Bella thought is still not enough. Meyers let Bella changing to fast from one state to another without much portray about the change. She easily accept the fact that she is a mother without much thought about responsibility. Bella thought is always occupied by danger to come and stress there is hardly any space for her feeling about Nessie and Edward-as a mother and wife. In a way even though she is now a mother, Bella remain a young teenage girl.
One thing I still concern about the book, a problem that occurs in the whole series: even though Bella is portray to be in charge in many thing: she take care of her parents and in a way more mature than her friends in high school. She seems to depend too much on Edward but once again that might not be so illogical consider she have always been in charge of so many thing and already tired of it. Having someone who she could depend on and who love her, there is no way she not making use of the situation and depend on him.
As always, everything have the good and the bad side of it, overall I still think the book absolutely worth reading. If you take it easy and don't try to logic it out so much, you will find it a true art work.
The first 3 book, as many have say, is very impressive. Different from Harry Potter, Twilight is not a book about action. The lack of even is no doubt but Meyer have done amassing job detailing her character. Interesting how she only use one character point of view but describe everybody thought (good thing Bella is observant). The developing of Bella is not so illogical either. The way she completely collapse when Edward leave is not so unpersuasive and remind me of another love story: "P.S. I love you". More persuasive as this is a fantasy. True to its style, Twilight's character is extreme is many way. One annoying matter is when Bella's thought reflect many other character, it doesn't give us enough information to get in to Edward's head while many of his move in the first two book is time and thought comsuming. This mystery might be enlighten should "Midnight sun " be published.
The main plot start with two even: the hunt of James and Edward leaving Bella. The hunt's consequence stretch out in the first three book and finally resolve in "Eclipse" at the same time the Edward&Bella&Jacobs settle down with Bella make clear of her choice. And truthfully, in the of "Eclipse", I only wonder how she gonna resolve the conflict with the Volturi. In some way, the story may be close here. Still leaving behind a mess but not bad for an ending.
When I finally hold "Breaking dawn" in my hand, or exactly when I finish the first few chapter, I kind of surprise the wedding is happening without something happen. No offend but you know how something often happen before the bride say "I do". The wedding happening neatly and from here new problem occur. However, since Bella is already a not so realistic character (HELLO, FANTASY STORY REMEMBER), her reaction for the wedding and even the baby is not something so illogical. After all, every princess need a prince and a wedding is a good way to show that. Bella changing attitude about the wedding and college is not so difficult to understand too if you look at it this way: from after the hunt Bella have already partly cut herself out of the "normal" world. For that reason, she even more attach to Edward or the Cullens family, the only one she can depend on in the world of mythology. And of course, it make her even more unconcern about college. This kind of thought will never appear in reality but this is a fantasy book so no problem.
Bella attitude about the marriage life is ,however, more difficult to discuss. Ever since she agree to Edward's proposal, Bella have always try to avoid the wedding talk. It didn't help to have Esme and Alice planning every thing and her doing nothing. After passing the pressure of rumor for marriage at such a young age is the altar, the party and the honeymoon. I doubt she even have an idea that she is now a marriage woman. The honeymoon baby is of course of no help. Especially when the bearing is so difficult and the baby growing so quickly. Even after spending time with Nessie she confess that she is still not use to the idea of being a mother. I think Meyers have skip all the feeling about marriage and motherhood first because she don't mean to discuss the idea. More or less this is a teenage love story, such idea may not be suitable and in the other hand, there is simply not enough room. If she wanna discuss this problem the way she do the first 3 books there will definitely be a book 5 or 6.
For reader who see the book as a bad example for girl, I think they have to see the book as a fairy tale. It's not about message or life orient but rather about happy ending. And as a sad ending make you cry and unsatisfied, a happy ending, especially a "neat" one like this, make it feel so very satisfy that some how uncomfortable. No one have to suffer anything is good but the ending just so perfect leave me with a weak impression than the one should have occur.
Of course the book have it weakness. As I said it will be better if the plot didn't go so fast. The description of Bella thought is still not enough. Meyers let Bella changing to fast from one state to another without much portray about the change. She easily accept the fact that she is a mother without much thought about responsibility. Bella thought is always occupied by danger to come and stress there is hardly any space for her feeling about Nessie and Edward-as a mother and wife. In a way even though she is now a mother, Bella remain a young teenage girl.
One thing I still concern about the book, a problem that occurs in the whole series: even though Bella is portray to be in charge in many thing: she take care of her parents and in a way more mature than her friends in high school. She seems to depend too much on Edward but once again that might not be so illogical consider she have always been in charge of so many thing and already tired of it. Having someone who she could depend on and who love her, there is no way she not making use of the situation and depend on him.
As always, everything have the good and the bad side of it, overall I still think the book absolutely worth reading. If you take it easy and don't try to logic it out so much, you will find it a true art work.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Sickness
What is it like to be sick? To never have a moment feel healthy? How harsh is it actually? Lately that question come a lot around my head. And I guest I can never answer.
I'm not what you call a healthy child. In fact I get sick a lot. But it only small one. Catch a few cold a year, sore throat is some kind of daily matter. But they have never been a trouble for me before and most likely would never be. I get use to it and it doesn't bother me at all.
But things are different with my friend. She have a trouble with her bone structure and have try to put up with it. Finally when she decide to deal with it, it have already got out of hand. I want to said something so much, want to make her feel better but I can't. I don't know how she feel, talking to her I was so afraid I would dig up the old wound. I want to tell her just cry but then what. I cry so many time over so many thing. It's never help. When I cry I don't feel better, I only relive that bad moment over and over again. Would it be the same for her? Would she live that moment again and again or would it help her release all the sadness and move on? I really don't know. I have trouble. I'm lost in my own world but all those trouble I could do something about it, fix it, make it better. What about her? She lost and she can't even help herself. I wonder what would I do if I'm in her place? When I have my arm broken I been through a little panic. It feel so scary, no it feel much worst knowing I would never be the same as I was. You can't believe what I did back then. I disobey the doctor's order and try to put my arm in use. Stop every time it hurt but continue shortly after that. I don't know if it help but I got my arm back. It feel as good as it use to be. Has I go against nature back then? Or it is just a normal thing? It work for me to try do what I feel need would it work for my friend?
So many question!!!
I'm not what you call a healthy child. In fact I get sick a lot. But it only small one. Catch a few cold a year, sore throat is some kind of daily matter. But they have never been a trouble for me before and most likely would never be. I get use to it and it doesn't bother me at all.
But things are different with my friend. She have a trouble with her bone structure and have try to put up with it. Finally when she decide to deal with it, it have already got out of hand. I want to said something so much, want to make her feel better but I can't. I don't know how she feel, talking to her I was so afraid I would dig up the old wound. I want to tell her just cry but then what. I cry so many time over so many thing. It's never help. When I cry I don't feel better, I only relive that bad moment over and over again. Would it be the same for her? Would she live that moment again and again or would it help her release all the sadness and move on? I really don't know. I have trouble. I'm lost in my own world but all those trouble I could do something about it, fix it, make it better. What about her? She lost and she can't even help herself. I wonder what would I do if I'm in her place? When I have my arm broken I been through a little panic. It feel so scary, no it feel much worst knowing I would never be the same as I was. You can't believe what I did back then. I disobey the doctor's order and try to put my arm in use. Stop every time it hurt but continue shortly after that. I don't know if it help but I got my arm back. It feel as good as it use to be. Has I go against nature back then? Or it is just a normal thing? It work for me to try do what I feel need would it work for my friend?
So many question!!!
Home
Have I ever told you about the house in which I live in??? I don't remember so. That's why in this very bored moment of summer I'm gonna spent sometime talking about it. The house I'm living in is not exactly a new house. No matter how we repaint it every year and fix it up, the fact that it have been built half a century ago can't be denial. Don't think about a classic and elegant house yet. Mine look nothing like that, it is a city house. Thank to my grandpa who is an engineer it is not at all ugly. In fact it's beautiful in it own way. Strong and protective. That's how my house is.
When I say my house is protective I'm not kidding. Unless somebody from the in side forget to lock the door there is almost no way somebody can break into without causing with attention. Remember those movie in which you can silently knock down the glass and break into the house. Not gonna happen here. behind the thick glass of my window is not only a curtain but also a beautiful yet strong web of metal. Unless you have a saw in your hand a break in will not possible. The same happen for all the small door around the house. What about the front door? It would take hours to break through those two iron door.
But it is not the door that make me feel the house is so isolate. It is its entire structure. The structure is mean to isolate the house with the condition out side it. When I'm in my house, all noise around seem to disappear. all the car, motorbike, people around me seem to vanish. You can't imagine staying alone in the house. It's just like you are the only one in the world. Most of the time I stay alone, I sleep. One hour, two hours or twenty hours, they are dall the same. Time doesn't matter any more. Nothing matter 'cause nothing exist. I'm the only living thing and I'm staying still so everything 's staying still. At least until somebody ring the bell.
Most of the walls are painted white. Not completely while. Actually it is a very very light violet. So light it turns white. It's nice actually. It doesn't remind me of the hospital's color. That sickly white always give me such a headache. However, somehow that white make my life even more still than it already is.
Nice but quiet and scarily isolate. That's my house.
When I say my house is protective I'm not kidding. Unless somebody from the in side forget to lock the door there is almost no way somebody can break into without causing with attention. Remember those movie in which you can silently knock down the glass and break into the house. Not gonna happen here. behind the thick glass of my window is not only a curtain but also a beautiful yet strong web of metal. Unless you have a saw in your hand a break in will not possible. The same happen for all the small door around the house. What about the front door? It would take hours to break through those two iron door.
But it is not the door that make me feel the house is so isolate. It is its entire structure. The structure is mean to isolate the house with the condition out side it. When I'm in my house, all noise around seem to disappear. all the car, motorbike, people around me seem to vanish. You can't imagine staying alone in the house. It's just like you are the only one in the world. Most of the time I stay alone, I sleep. One hour, two hours or twenty hours, they are dall the same. Time doesn't matter any more. Nothing matter 'cause nothing exist. I'm the only living thing and I'm staying still so everything 's staying still. At least until somebody ring the bell.
Most of the walls are painted white. Not completely while. Actually it is a very very light violet. So light it turns white. It's nice actually. It doesn't remind me of the hospital's color. That sickly white always give me such a headache. However, somehow that white make my life even more still than it already is.
Nice but quiet and scarily isolate. That's my house.
A Scary Thought
Don't get scare yet. I'm not taking about thought in which ghosts and vampire running wild. Actually, it is a even more scary one. The kind of thought in which you questioning your own existence. Do you know that for each of us the chance that we even been born is ever small? I'm taking 1/1,000,000 the most. One false move in the history line and we won't even be there. But the chance of existence is still much larger than that of another being growing up become the person you are. Every experience you have been through in your life help make you the person you are. They influenced you one way or another.
But after all that hard work what did we have to offer back life. I question that all day as I sit still contributing nothing to life and yet taking too much. I waste my parents money by eating, going to school, playing. I eat animal and drink water to exist. I breath in O2 and release CO2. I damage this whole planet just by living. And for what? Most of my accomplishments are in studying. I help my parents but very little. I realize all of this yet I do nothing. I cannot stop people from staving to death. I can't even make a decent meal for my family. I can't help people who have AIDS, I can't even keep myself from catching a cold. I can't clear the world of war when my siblings are still frighting over the computer.
I'm nobody, my existence mean nothing to almost no one. But one day that will change and with every move I make, every good deed I do, that one day is getting closer and closer.
But after all that hard work what did we have to offer back life. I question that all day as I sit still contributing nothing to life and yet taking too much. I waste my parents money by eating, going to school, playing. I eat animal and drink water to exist. I breath in O2 and release CO2. I damage this whole planet just by living. And for what? Most of my accomplishments are in studying. I help my parents but very little. I realize all of this yet I do nothing. I cannot stop people from staving to death. I can't even make a decent meal for my family. I can't help people who have AIDS, I can't even keep myself from catching a cold. I can't clear the world of war when my siblings are still frighting over the computer.
I'm nobody, my existence mean nothing to almost no one. But one day that will change and with every move I make, every good deed I do, that one day is getting closer and closer.
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