Dream

Last night, I got a very weird dream. In the dream, I seem to relive my life as a high school student. I rarely dream and never remember my dream unless it's nightmare that wake me up in cold sweet. However, for some reason, I remember last night extremely well. Not just what I do but what I feel, what I thing in that dream. Every thing seem so real.
I remember sit in History class. The tension when our teacher decided which name to call is unbearable. My heart seems to stop beating and sink to my stomach. I can feel blood run out of my face. I don't know if it's a result of all the time we wait for teacher to call our name when I'm in high school or something else. It's just so alive. The feeling of the clear sky before the storm. After that we start studying like usual with our eyes look at the teacher and our mind out of the window.
Then come the break. I remember walking in the hall way to the canteen. Buy a snack and sit around gossiping. The whole thing was so normal yet so wonderful. In that short time I return to the high school girl I use to be. But there is no worry for the coming test, no wonder which way will our future go. Just mindless talk mix with humor. Completely carefree. We laugh over some very stupid story I can't even remember. Joking around. I remember one of the girl point at some boy for some reason and we all start looking at him and smile and whisper. He turn back and look at us along with his group of friend. What we do has no sense at all, yet we don't care. All we want is to have a nice break with no worry what will come after that. That feeling of freedom, of stupidity, of youth. Would I ever be able to feel it again?
One more thing, one of the lecture I sit through in my dream is with Mrs. Thanh Ha. She was scolding us about something. Such wonderful literature teacher, her scolding is better than any lecture she could give. After all, who care about To Huu and his poems. For Mrs. Ha, conducting our behavior is far more important than any poems or novel.
High school is wonderful. Especially when you're no longer in it.

To do list

I have been pretty confuse about my coming up birthday. But keep sitting around looking all confuse will help me nothing so I decide to check what I have done in the last year and what should I do in the coming age. One of my friend do this on New Year and it look fun.
So first comes my check list:
April: got a cell phone
May: leave high school (19/5: final day as high school student)
June: graduate from high school
July: university entrance exam
August: get into University of Banking
September: get out of University of Banking (that was quick)
October: start studying at RMIT
November: one month at RMIT and still alive
December: two month at RMIT and still alive
January: pass final exam + prepare for Tet holiday
February: back to school
Match: start studying dance + pronunciation

And here is my to do list: (no order)
_ Get a driving license
_ Can actually dance
_ Don't lose or broke the cell phone (I change cell phone twice last year (><))
_ Speak English better
_ Study GMAT again
_ Got a part time job
_ Study another language (maybe French. I want to read my cousin blog)
_ Read Gone with the wind + Jane Austin collection
_ Find a boyfriend ( the hardest one)

Birthday

My birthday is in two days. For some reason, I keep feeling I'm not ready to step into another age.
Before I'm 18, I want 18 to come quick probably because I'm waiting for some magical change when I reach 18. I would become more responsible, wiser, happier, so on and so on. I think when I'm 18 I will be at better use for people around me. But here I am, almost 19 and I feel no different to me when I'm 16. I go to different school, study higher but is there anything that is different 'bout me? I think I look the same. I haven't grow at all last year. I live with my parent, get allowance. I go to school and go back to home. My life haven't change at all and I'm scare.
I've been an official adult for a year and I have yet to accomplish anything. That doesn't feel right. What should I do with my life is still unclear. What do I want? I don't even know. Every time I meet with question such as what is your favourite food? What is your favourite movie? I skip. I don't understand myself anymore. Some how the talkative girl with opinion disappear but in stead of some more mature woman in her place there is nothing. How can I bring this mess with me into 19. If the inside girl don't grow what is the point of celebrate the body get old?
Is it just me or everybody has to gone through this state of confuse?

First Time

First time:
I write about Amotizen in my blog. I hardly ever share any feeling I have for Amotizen. It's not because I don't love amo. I just treasure amo too much. Being one of them is a privilege I don't know how I deserve. Memo about Amo is what I hang on to when everything is lost. Being with amo is a dream too wonderful I know I could never imagine on my own.
I go with amo to eat hot pot. One of a time experience. The best thing is I come back without any injury. No wet pain (poor Chu), no burn (almost couldn't make it) a shrimp and a few piece of cuttle-fish. I learn that the greatest battle of all is the one happen on a dinning table.
Nothing help you ease down as an afternoon with amo.

A new year

I really need a new year check list. you know some paper that you write what you want to accomplish in the next year. Why? Because I feel like it have been a year already and I still haven't do anything good. Oh my good, I'm turning 19 in two month and I still have so much I want to do before that age. Where did the time go.

A bit of ifonramoitn

Do you konw taht if you mix up the ltteres in a wrod and keep the frsit and fnail lteter un tucoh you can siltl usnretdnad the wrod? It hvae been sicenfitcailly povred. Cool isn't it.

Left behind

I'm not leaving anybody or get abandon if that's what you think.
This is the event that bring this on. Last week is the Lunar New Year, as tradition, I go visit my teacher on the third day of new year. Actually I have never properly visit my teacher during New Year holiday but it is not my false my family love to travel on this occasion. Anyway, the teachers that I visited are two of our former teachers in high school, that is why I went visit them with a group of my classmate in high school.
I think I should give some more information about my high school class. Different from many Western country, in high school we don't choose class according to subject and teacher. We study with the same classmate for years. This create a strong bond between every student. In my class, this bond is exceptionally strong. During our high school year, we are one, we call ourselves by a name, treat each other equally. There are argument and each of us have our small group of close friend but it didn't stop us from being one and being equal. We study the same thing, at the same school. In short, we are all the same.
But thing change after we graduate. Sure, we are still a group, a close society include the craziest of the crazy in the world, but beside from the time we hang out with each other (which is very rare now) each of us are walking their own path, each of us are making their own success and for some reason, I seem to be the one who stay the same. When I heard my friends talk to our teachers, a part of me think of them as the same as the boy or girl I study with, but the other part, the part that heard about their concern and success, the part that heard about their current life feel like they are at a place so high and so far away I can't ever reach. For some reason I can't move on at they have done, for some reason I stay behind and hold on to the pass. If only I know what is that reason. ***sign***