To do list

Well, it's Lunar New Year. And since both of the new year have pass, I guess this can't be delay any more. So this is a short review of last year "To do list":

• Graduate from RMIT. --> DONE and over with, that part of my life is certainly behind me.
  
• Get an internship in a good company and a job. --> Good internship: Maybe, at least I learn something from it: I don't want to work in-house. Good job: Time will tell, so far so good.
  
• Buy a motorbike.--> Park down stair. Not the most glamorous or expensive but it haven't broke down after 10 months (which said a lot consider my driving + the accident I have been in) and the amount of time it almost crush me (surprisingly small), I'll say I'm happy with it.
  
• Study GMIT or GRE.--> I'm considering it usefulness. I'll decide whether I need one later + I need to stabilize my working hours.
  
• Find possible scholarship for a Master in Communication.--> Going nowhere yet, will be in this year list.
  
• Start exercise often.--> Right, I need better motivation, maybe better alarm clock (Where did they sell these thing when at a certain time they drop a bucket of water on your head? After all the time it appear in cartoon and comic, somebody must have taken on the challenge). Will be in this year list, maybe under more step-by-step form.
  
• More dance class.--> Done, score my friend a 9.5/10 in the final exam. Got voted Prom Queen in the process. :)
  
• Study another language.--> Maybe it's time I take this one out of my to do list. OR find a place that teach Spanish. Yes, I have decide on the language I want to study next, if only I can get that "r" right.

3 DONE, 2 Maybe, 3 NOT DONE, I definitely need to step up my game this year. But so far, I am happy with what I achieve. At least I'm out of university and in the process, make some great friend that I really like to spend time with. And now, for this year to do list :

• Get a promotion or two (plus some working experience along the way won't be so bad)
• Exercise frequently (starting with a member card of the nearby pool)
• Find possible scholarship for Master in Communication (and working toward them, I need more than working experience to win one of these)
• Study Spanish (stop by some University and start asking about this)
• Get loose at least once a month (at least I got a place I like to go to and get a drink. It start with S and end with n and it make great gin and tonic)
• Save at least half of my salary.
• Travel aboard.
  

• Since it seems I can only think of 7 things I want to do next year (which is kind of sad, look like I'm just finishing up what I haven't been able to do and not taking on new thing) I put in another completely optional goal: GET A BOYFRIEND. I'm still trying to figure out the usefulness of a boyfriend so I'm not really putting my heart into it (that is if I'm putting anything into it at all). Beside, I eliminate this goal from an earlier to do list so I'm very unsure about this. But at least it's a new area that I haven't tried.

Well, good luck me. See you in another year. :)

At the end of the road

I have an assignment that doesn't seem to go anywhere so here I am writing another blog to vent.
Finally, after nearly two years at the university I can see the graduation day. But here come the big question of "What's next?". For the first time in my life, I can't imagine what my next step will be and it is unnerving. The last time I have to make a decision of this kind is when I just finish high school. But even then, I was sure that I will get into a good Vietnamese university and the worst is I will do the same as the majority of high school students. Yet, as the time, I had a bad break down and practically lock myself in the house, siting in a dark room reading ebook. That is one of the worst time in my life.
Now I face the same question with a lot more pressure. I no longer have four years to figure out my life. All the grand plan and all the talk doesn't help me planning my paths. Speaking as a PR practitioner, I have all those (probably unrealistic) goals yet no tactics to achieve them. Fact is I haven't even got through situation analysis. I know I have some advantages to my friend and have a high chance of landing a good job but I can't imagine my life then. I've never working for a salary a day in my life, I don't know how busy will I be and more importantly what will I do to improve my life. I graduate university, I know I want to get a master but I don't even know what kind of master degree I want to get let alone where they teach it and how am I going to afford it.
I have gone a long way since secondary school. I get into better high school compare to my secondary classmates and get into better university than my high school friends. But this is the end of this methods. Being a good student will not help me anymore. From here, the factors that determine success will be completely different from before and I have no idea what those factors are and whether I have them.
My life is a mess.

To do list

I'm writing my research report and I'm in a major writer blog + today is the last day of 2009 so I decide to check my to do list last year and make a new one.

Here is last year to do list:

• Get a driving license: It's in my purse. DONE.
• Can actually dance: I know salsa, rumba and a little bit of waltz. DONE.
• Don't lose or broke cellphone: Still using the one from last year: DONE.
• Speak English better: Not sure about this one. Half Done.
• Study GMAT again: Not even close. NOT DONE.
• Got a part time job: Hahahahaha. NOT DONE.
• Study another language: It's gonna be on to do list this year. NOT DONE.
• Read Gone with the wind + Jane Austin: Thank you very much RMIT library. DONE.
• Find a boyfriend: Why did I put it in the to do list: NOT DONE

This year to do list:

• Graduate from RMIT.
• Get an internship in a good company and a job.
• Buy a motorbike.
• Study GMIT or GRE.
• Find possible scholarship for a Master in Communication.
• Start exercise often.
• More dance class.
• Study another language.
  

To my closest friend

I know you won't read this and you won't understand it but I just want to say how I will miss you when you are gone.
We grow up together and you are my sister. We meet a few time a year and don't spend much time together but I love you most. I never hide anything from you and you alone are the only one I share my secret. You might be my cousin but you are also my friend and sister.
There are rarely anything common between us. We look different and act different. You learn French, I learn English. You have tons of friends, I don't have many. You love to draw and I such at it. You can't cook and I can (not very well thought). It's amazing how we can be so different from each other but what more important is despite all those differences I love you and I hope you feel the same.
We have a beautiful childhood together. I remember that night on the train we wake each other up to chat and eat some spice we found in the noodle. I remember the time your brother, my cousin, entertains us with story he make up. I remember you braising my hair before we goes to sleep and I wake up with curry hair. I remember we stay up so late chatting about everything going on in our lives when we ain't with each other.
But I have know for a long time we won't be together forever. What we want goes beyond this city or country. We will go along way to learn, to work, to experiment. It's just a matter of time. And now you are leaving. It might not seem to be such a long time but the future is uncertain. I can't tell when you finish school where would I be at the time. What I most certain is I probably won't be able to wait for you at the airport and say "Welcome home". But no matter how far away you are we will still be good friend. No matter what happen, our blood still bond us together and we are still cousin. And one day in the future we will meet and it would be like old time when we lay side by side and talk about the part of our lives that didn't include each other.
I wrote this not because I want you to know about it but the opposite. These sad feeling will only make your path more difficult. I know I will cry on the day you go and that would be the end my sadness. What I will do is be there for you when you meet difficulty. So far away I don't know if I can be any help but no matter what happen you can talk to me. Even if I can't fix it, I can listen to it and maybe make you feel better. I don't really know. This is one of those times in my life that I feel I don't have any control over anything, that I am small and insignificant but I will try to be of some use for you, my dearest.

A post much need for me.

Need entertainment

It has come. That time of the summer break when you have play all the game you have, read all the comic book you have, watch all the TV program you like and nothing new is coming up yet. The only thing different now is beside the insufficient of entertainment is the new load of what you call summer school even though you don't have a three-months summer break.
Yesterday I watch the movie I've been waiting for and there is nothing I want to watch coming up. I still have a game I haven't play on my computer but I know I'm in no mood to play it. Shouldn't have let Restaurant City distract me from it. I have read a lot of comic book but they are all old one. I even finish my collection of Donald & Friend, Tin Tin, Smurf, Spirou and Fantasio. And I'm run out of comic book. I have reread a lot of novel I have finish all the book of Jack London I have, a couple of Jules Verne, and of course Jane Austin. I also swept through Nam Cao and Vu Trong Phung and a couple more books and that is all I feel interest in right now. I 've been spending a lot of time with the TV and overdose on CSI and Disney Channel so no more of them. And after doing all of that, I still got a few week of semester break which I don't know how to use.
The best solution will be go to the bookstore and pick out some book but that would require finding out which one worst reading and I'm not in the mood for it at all. I'm considering buying the novel Demon and Angel. This time I'm doing it backward: watch the movie before read the novel. I've never done it before and curious would I found the book better or the movie better. But I'm too lazy to go to the bookstore so I guess that plan would be delay. A more convinient solution is go though the other part of my novel collection which consist of more difficult novel. I have one particula book in mind: Papillon. The book has been there forever and for some reason I still haven't read it. I'm just affaird it would require a lot of thinking and emotion which I'm not sure I have right now. Or I can reread Roots or Godfather. Good novel and easy to understand. Or read Old man and the sea once more to see if I can finally love it. I remember I really don't like that book the first time I read it but it must be 10 years ago. I think I change a lot since then.
Anyway I'm in serious need to find new entertainment.

Regret

This afternoon I spend an hour reading blog of a friend, ignoring the 40% test tomorrow. In an hour I read everything he writes about a year ago when we about to leave high school, I also see a couple of pictures of myself back then. Suddenly realize I have change so much. Less cry, less laugh, more calm, more stable. Suddenly miss the girl I use to be. Back then I already close up from the world, it took a long time for me to join in with our class. Now, I'm even more close up than before, that careless smile I use to wear have faded since when I don't even realize. Regret but I have to move on, have to change. I just hope when I'm with them again I will return to that happy girl.

The end of the rainbow

When I was young, I have seen a scene. I can't recall when or where I seen it. I can't even remember what was it about. All I remember is a feeling it left in me. A wonderful feeling in which terror and admire mix up together. I can still recall it sometime. The feeling when all your limbs are frozen, every hairs are standing on end, blood run out of your face and coldness cover you. You can't move an inch, all you can do is stand and tremble. Scare but at the same time ancious waiting for something to happen, knowing you are not ready but don't care a thing about it.
That feeling of terror and admire belong to a part of my mind I can't touch. I can't even come close. It is that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow I'm trying to catch. I might never be able to feel it again but I can't stop looking for it. Just a taste, a blur recall of the feeling left me wanting more and I can't stop until I found it. I want to see all the wonder of the world, face the magnificent of nature, I know there must be one of them can gave me the feeling again. The scare and terror but utmost happy seeing how small and in significant I really is. That is the strongest feeling I have ever feel. For me, it is more than any happy feeling, any joy, any pain. That terror make me alive and make me feel I'm real. I'm living. I'm existing. I'm a human not a ghost walk on the face of Earth.